January 2010
2 posts
Long Time Gone
Don’t ya just love the DIxiIe Chicks?! I realized how long it has been since I posted my first post on here, as well as the last. I stopped for a while, out of fear….read earlier post. I realized this needs to be written, even if no one reads it. This is my life with E.D. or shall I say my breakup, or the murder of my beloved E.D. I need to keep writing. I hope you keep reading.
May 2009
2 posts
November 2008
3 posts
Home
Is it where the heart is? Where the family is? Well, if that’s the case, I don’t want to be “home”. I want to be in my own apartment right now without the family drama, the rude looks, the passive agressive comments, and the overall feeling of discomfort. I’m already looking at the train schedule to try and get home, but will i actually do it? Create more drama, feel...
When nothing satisfies you...
Eat Dominos.
Numb the pain.
Shove it down.
New pain to feel.
Full.
So full you want to die.
So you cry instead.
You sob while you sit in front of the tv.
Wishing your life was like a movie.
Wishing someone loved you.
But you just sit alone.
Chicken wings will dull the pain.
So you can forget that no ones in love with you.
So you can pretend you aren’t slowly killing yourself.
...
Fear
Fear, just the title alone makes me cringe. So much to talk about and yet nothing to say. I have come to realize that I will never be able to recover from this disease unless I understand my fear. So let’s see…
Growing up—huge fear! I in many, many ways I would like to be a child for as long as humanly possible. It scares me how much time passes and how little i feel i have...
October 2008
2 posts
Dear E.D.
Dear E.D.- I fucking hate you. You are a shitty bastard that has been growing inside of me my whole life. You have fucked everything up. You have killed who I really am and stolen my childhood. You have told me so many lies that now they are all that I believe. I have spent and WASTED so much of my time believing you and listening to you. I have hated myself because you told me to. I have cut...
April 2008
1 post
When you think you know it all...
I tend to suffer from this disease, or should I say dis ease?! Recovery is like life in a lot of ways…when it rains it pours and just when you think things couldn’t get worse they suddenly do. Then as the tears are pouring down my face there is a sudden realization-a sudden peace-and I find the will to start over again and things get better. Why is it always so back and forth? Why...